If I don't, I won't.....

Decisions have never come easy for me. Do I wear my purple shirt or my red tee? Blue jeans or sweats? Granted some decisions do come easier than others. Todays decision is more like deciding do I drive across the bridge or do I just stop and jump in (knowing I cannot swim)? I have had 4 months to make up my mind, educate myself and decide whether to try something new or not. Today was the day to answer, will I try or not? I mean to answer the docs questions YES, I hurt!, YES I am tired (all the time), Is my daily living affected? Seriously, its been sock pulls, dressing sticks, reachers and coat hangers (another future blog) for years.  YES my daily living is affected. DO I WANT TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO FEEL BETTER? Dumb question, easy answer. Hell yes I want to feel better.
For forty one years  rheumatoid arthritis has been taking its toll on my small frame and I am determined to stop ol arthur dead in his tracks! I have heard all the good and all the bad regarding modern day arthritis meds. If only I had a crystal ball.
I see this as a new chapter in my now many volumes of Life With RA...and I do mean Life, it has been 41 years and well I am 45 so yeah its been my life. Chapters on decisions include do I wake up? Do I get up? Do I move about? Do I date? Do I have kids? Do I play taxi mom? Do I go to work?  Do I have surgery, etc, etc and the answers have usually been yes, simply because if I don't, I won't....meaning if I don't move, I may never again someday. If I dont have surgery, I will be facing total immobility. If I dont try this med, I may never know so...come Friday, pending all lab tests I will be adding a new drug to my cabinet ( actually refrigerator ).

I am blessed

I am blessed!
My feet hurt until I can feel tears.
My legs are weak and sometimes I stumble.
One won’t straighten and one is shorter than the other.
They may move slow BUT they get me where I want to go.
I am Blessed!
My fingers are deformed and things are difficult to do..
My arms wont reach and My elbows won’t straighten.
They may not look “normal” but they allow me to give daily hugs.
I am blessed!
My heart does not beat normal.
It races with the smallest amount of work.
My breaths become short.
But it’s huge and it loves unconditionally.
I am not perfect… but I am blessed!

Entry 1 - Ready to go

Two weeks from today, I will be boarding a cruise ship for a few glorious days of relaxation. Honestly, I cannot wait for some time away. My mother, my niece, my sister-in-law and I are going away for some girl time and to celebrate my and my nieces birthdays. Before I can even think of sunshine, beaches, duty free shopping and sheer pleasure, I have two weeks worth of preparation that must be completed. First, I have to take some time to make to-do lists for my husband (Tony), and my sons (Matthew (age 19) and Brandon (age 15)). Rather than calling it a to-do list, it should be referred to as a "how -to -survive while mom is away list". The boys have not had to survive without me or my mother for more than 5 days and although I know they are capable of survival, I fear what will be awaiting me upon my arrival home. I am hoping the hubby and the boys will impress me and have the house shinig! No laundry, dirty dishes, or missing or dead animals. However, I am sure the laundry will take over my laundry room and likely extend into my kitchen where it will no doubt run into dishes that overflowing from the sink and counter tops. I just hope the cats can find their way to their food and water bowls, that is if the boys do not forget to fill them often. I really do hope the animals survive.
Secondly, I must finish shopping for just the right outfits. Clothes for dinner and clubbing, clothes for shopping and exploring, swimsuits for sunning and swimming and most important, we cannot forget the at least five pairs of comfy shoes to satisfy my feet for the duration of our time away. This means no cute flat flip flops for the Capri pants, no adorable high heels for the evening gown and no pretty platforms for clubbing. Once all the clothing, the shoes and the ever so popular accessories (you know the flat iron, curling iron, hair dryer, make up and all the other goods a traveling female requires) are purchased and the "I cannot live without" prescriptions are filled I will spend my time packing the suitcase(s). With all this stuff this may seem the dilemma and no doubt the luggage restrictions airlines impose will be of no help, but I will make it work somehow, someway. My carry on luggage will contain the most important stuff. One outfit (just in case the airlines misplace my luggage), a Mountain Dew, a book to entertain me during the flight should my niece who has never flown allows me a minute of freedom from her paranoia (love you, Beth!) and oh yes…. my medications. I am trying to calculate in my head prior to packing if one suitcase will be enough for five days. My main piece of luggage will hopefully be enough for my four outfits per day, my at five pair of shoes, accessories and the much needed assistive devices. Without the dressing stick, the sock pull, the long handled hairbrush, and the zipper pull, life trying to relax may become a life filled with frustration or begging for help, something I am not familiar with doing.
Lastly, and most importantly, on my list of things to do before I can say bon voyage is I must visit my "make my joints better or replace them" orthopedic surgeon. I have faith that my already replaced right knee may possibly behave while I am away but I am sure its counterpart will try its best to give me more grief than I wish to experience. However just to show my knee who is indeed the boss, I will insist the good doc will agree to inject it with some Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde steroids.

Awaiting sun and fun!

Donna